Just mADE A PArabola og urine
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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