When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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