Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
