I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
