oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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