The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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