And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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