im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
