I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and she was petting her beer can
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
