i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
