Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
