Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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