I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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