What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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