it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
