Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
