so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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