She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
