I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
