You really coming over, don't trick.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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