People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
