Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
