Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
