just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
