i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
