OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
