look no pants
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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