sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
