Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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