Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Green mimosas i think yes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
