Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize