so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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