apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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