i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
