He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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