i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to make out with him forever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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