I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
