Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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