i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
