Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
