I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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