we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
