We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So drunk its hurt
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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