He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's Friday. Sex?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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