matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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