I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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