you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
