Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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