I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
