Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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