we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
