my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
