Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize