Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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