I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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