the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
