Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
