Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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