What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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