he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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