My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
