He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sext me about skeletons
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
