You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
